I stood nodding my head at my son Jake's new teacher. I listened to all of the instructions for his coming grade seven school year. I took in all of the information about his geography studies, math quizzes, and language projects. Sadly though, I failed to take note of the most important detail in the room; my youngest son Ben, crumpled against a wall in the corner behind me.I told the grade seven teacher I needed a moment and rushed over to Ben's side.
"Benny what's wrong?" I asked fervently. "Nobody understands me. I'm all alone."
"That's not true Benny." I said, perplexed. "I understand you. I am with you."My boy with the two different coloured eyes. My dreamer. My warrior. My heart of gold.

Head down, face red, crying silent tears that stained the collar of the blue shirt he had carefully chosen for his orientation day at school. My little one who cares so much about everything. Bees. People with no food. Sunken ships. His brother. If I didn't smile when he made a joke.And here he was feeling like no one cared about him.What had I done? I don't know.What hadn't I done?

I made every minute count as a mom. I had victories. I had downfalls. I provided for my family. And I was there. I was there every. single. day. For every lunch pick up. Every field trip. Every after school hang out. I stewarded our resources and made every moment count. All so I could be present for my two princes.I was a flawed as a mom (and still am) of course. What mom or caregiver isn't flawed?! I lost my temper. I didn't always make the right decisions. I could be a helicopter parent. But I always loved with my full heart, tried my best and knew when to say sorry, humble myself heart, rise to the occasion and try again.Fostering Emotional well-being is a strength of mine. It's something I've had to work on with my whole heart and mind given my terse early life experiences; to be aware of it, create it, live it. I am so passionate about the topic of emotional well being, I even developed a Social Emotional Learning app for kids. Yet here I was with my own child realizing I had failed to foster his emotional well-being in some way.

But how?And why?

Ever the "vortex of truth" as my husband calls me, I asked my creator this last question.

   "Why God?" I said aloud the next day as I ventured on a prayer walk by myself.

"Why does Benny feel so alone and like no one understands him when I spend every spare minute with him, I ask him how he's feeling, I listen intently, and I constantly tell him he's loved?" Exhausted I began to secretly cry just like my little boy did the day before. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree I suppose.Well let me tell you friend, these tears didn't have a chance to trickle far when God's answer struck my heart. I had followed the text book rules to help Ben's social emotional development and well being but Ben is not now, and will never be, a textbook kid.

   Ben is special. One of a kind. He is as unique as the one in a million heterochromia Iridis that made one of his eyes blue and the other one brown.And guess what. So are you and so is the child in your care.Later as we sat alone in the car outside the school, I took a moment to touch base with Benny. I asked him what happened in his mind and he said, "I felt unprepared."Ever my deep little soul.BUT I had prepared him I thought to myself. I told him a week ago, two days ago, this morning. I Iaid out his new school supplies. I talked all about his new teacher. I even told him where he would be sitting in the classroom! But it was not enough for Ben. Or maybe it was just not the right enough. What information would have been better for Ben I began to ponder? Hmmm...then it hit me. MAYBE I don't know Benny the way I think I do. Maybe he is right to feel alone. Maybe I DON'T understand my Benny.

Mind. Blown.

Good thing that I know someone who knows Benny better than I do AND with 100 percent accuracy. The one who made every hair on Benny's head. The one who fused his little body with a one of a kind DNA. The one who planned and purposed for Benny to be my child so that I could one day help him reach his full potential and fulfill the calling God has on his life. If God has trusted me with Benny then I need to trust that God knows Benny and will help me learn how to know him as well as I need to. So I ask you as you start this week, at the start of this school year; What different, misunderstood, struggling, perfect, quirky, unique child has God placed in your care?YOU are a big key to that special young person in your care feeling loved, understood and reaching their full potential this school year and in life. So if they cry or show resilience or a act elated with joy - just remember no matter what emotion your child is showing today in the face of COVID-19 return to school - God's knows them best and He's got them in the palm of His hand just like someone else - YOU. God's got you in the palm of his hand and together you've got this!So at the start of this school year with the child in your life, as you seek to love and support them the best you can, lean in to your maker my sweet, tired, brave hopeful friend. He WILL make your paths straight no matter how may surprises lay on the road ahead this school year.

"For you created my inmost being;                                        

  you knit me together in my mother's womb. 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
 I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
  when I was made in the secret place,  
 when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.      

  Your eyes saw my unformed body;
     all the days ordained
 for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be." 

       Psalm 139:13-16