Becoming One in Marriage / Paul & Janna Lafrance

This year Paul and Janna Lafrance celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary so we wanted to sit down with them to find out how in the world they balance a happy marriage with a design business, 4 rambunctious daughters several HGTV television programs, 2 books in process, a worship band, and many media and charity appearances.

How do they manage all that and still have a happy marriage? They say they make date night important. Janna brings a list to date night of conversations she wants to have with Paul. That way she remembers to communicate with him on all of the things that have been happening.

In marriage God takes two whole separate people and turns them into one in Him. That's the idea of Him in the church and Him in us. They believe that oneness is a miracle but it is also very challenging. It is a process and certainly not an instant thing. It is hard. It sounds good and lovely but often it doesn't happen because it is so difficult.

Paul jokes that he has a 2 part formula for oneness in marriage.

The first part is that between a couple you must remove all forms both verbal, mental and physical of accusation.

Try to go a week without accusing your spouse even in the most subtle ways.

Janna says that at the beginning of their marriage that because they both have strong personalities, accusation played a huge part in their marriage.

God really started to put the spotlight on some things. God spoke to her and said that if the thoughts she had about her husband were accusatory they were not from Him. They are always from the enemy. He's the accuser.

God spoke to both of them about the same thing. When dealing with conflict it is a matter of understanding where the other person is coming from. Understanding how God sees the situation and then being able to talk about it from each other's points of view.

Extreme Vulnerability is part 2. There is no way you can be vulnerable with someone if there is accusation there.

You can't say, "here is my heart" I am going to put that before you and you are going to do the same thing before me with the complete knowledge that the people close to you are going to hurt you. It's not going to be intentional, that's why the accusation has to go, but the minute you put your heart out in front of someone, it's going to get accidently hurt. You will never experience that oneness until you are fully known and fully loved.

That is how God is with us. He fully knows us and fully loves us. That reality is what the enemy tries to hide from people.

Janna says it is not perfect every day but the anchor is her relationship with God and she needs to come back to that no matter what she is going through.

God didn't send our spouse to the earth for you. Jesus came to the earth for you. Your spouse has the most opportunities and power to heal you, and play a part in their story. You can use that power to heal and to harm. It is about understanding what our spouse is going through.

When we don't make it about ourselves we are happier and our spouses are happier.

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